post 2. january 10.2017

i am a touch and feel kind of person, which is interesting because, by nature, i'm not a 'touchy-feely' person.  the inspiration that i derive from the outside world is primarily based on texture.  i think that's probably why i have always gravitated toward neutral colors with my clothing.  the particular color isn't what is important to me.  what is important to me is how my skin breathes happiness when i put on something made of just the right cloth.  

for a while, i'll fixate on a fabric.  most recently it's been the raw silk of jamie+the jones.  and then at some point, my fixation will shift.  jamie+the jones silk will always feel like heaven to my body and will retain its place in my heart, but i'll want it to slide over a bit and make room for something new.  the same can be said for life, right?  

the past few days have been gritty.  i'm talking sandpaper.  the texture that i want is silk.  i want a linen pant with an elastic waistband for those over-indulgent days.  i want a beautiful shoe with leather so supple that my feet smile.  i want pima cotton sheets to sigh into at night. unfortunately, what i want isn't what the world necessarily wants to give to me.  instead, it's been giving me skinned-knees-and-elbows rough.  it's pretty common to have the post-holiday blues, but (at least for me) depression makes that worse.  exhaustion is a trigger for me, and i hit a wall over the weekend.  i spent about 48 hours in the depressy (yes it's a word, because i just said so) doldrums, and then yesterday happened.

i have a beautiful friend who is going through the most trying time in her life. it makes my skinned knees and elbows look like sunshine and rainbows.  and it feels really, really bad to me.  her fight will continue in the weeks to come, and it will be hard.  so, i cried.  i prayed.  i talked.  i thought.  i read.  i meditated.  my heart felt like it was squeezed into a sweater made of scratchy wool and polyester.  and by the time i went to bed last night, it still felt bad to me.  

and then this morning as i was getting ready for my other job (nerd by day, creative by night), a familiar song came on that was liquid gold washing over me from head to toe.  as i breathed in the peace that accompanied, i saw my friend's face reflecting grace and victory.  and i saw her husband declare healing over his wife.  and i saw her baby look with adoration upon his mama.  and i saw all those of us who love her deeply.  and there isn't yet a word in the english language that describes the texture that resulted from it.  it was pure.  it was soft.  it was innocent.  it was true.  it was power.  whatever those things combine to make, that's what it was.  and it left me feeling so encouraged.  the sandpaper softened and the silk slid in.

it's amazing how when things feel wrong, they can evolve into something so right.  there will always be light in the darkness.  there will always be good from bad.  there will always be a mountain beyond the valley.  and that truth feels lovely.


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