post 9. december 5. 2017

post 9. december 5. 2017

i have finally started to identify as an adult. for a lot of years i’ve wondered, ‘is it possible for me to feel like a teenager for the rest of my life, just with more wrinkles and gray hair? because i think that’s happening?’ maybe it’s because i recently turned 30, or maybe it’s just because it’s time, but i’ve had this conscious realization a few times lately that i just. don’t. care.

it kind of startled me at first. am i just apathetic? is my depression ramping back up? is this something i should be concerned about but i’m not so should i be concerned about the fact that i’m not concerned about it? these are the typical anxiety-driven fears that are common to those of us with brains that are somewhat extra. but none of my worries resounded with a yes.

i came to the deeply settling conclusion that i am just at the point in my life where the things i care about have streamlined. some of you may gasp with shock and send up a prayer, but football is where i first started noticing this about myself. do i still love to watch the games? of course i do. it’s the sec after all, war damn. do i care who wins? honestly? no. why in the world would i hang my hopes and dreams on whether or not a bunch of post-pubescent boys can score a touchdown [this is not rhetorical. please comment if you think i should, and give a brief description why]? if i can’t control it, i don’t spend much time on it these days.

the same can be said for not getting invited to something that i might have been 5 years ago.  calendars are already overbooked, and life gets busier by the day. we’ve all got to pick and choose how best to spend our time, and i respect the individual who wants to keep it small and personal. so if i wasn’t invited to your baby’s baptism or your birthday dinner, don’t sweat it. i get it [just DON’T YOU DARE forget to send us a christmas card. that one is an unforgivable transgression that you and i will never come back from]. there are more important things to care about.

at this point, i will share with you the top 10 things i no longer care about:

1. the way others chose to live their lives [not my monkey. not my circus.]
2. football.
3. makeup except concealer and mascara.
4. being invited to everything.
5. being invited to even halfway everything.
6. having all the things on trend [give me quality and longevity over quantity and brevity].
7. brand name mass production. i prefer things made by real humans these days.
8. what you did in college, specifically sororities or fraternities of any kind, in any capacity.
9. what other people think of how i dress, talk, wear my hair, etc. get outta here with that.
10. what you do for a living. you wanna sell petri dishes to scientists? you be the best damn petri dish salesman out there. i couldn’t care less about what you do so much as WHO YOU ARE. that’s what’s important to me.

so, i know i’m preaching words that have already reached the congregations’ ears a time or two, but try to actually enjoy this holiday season.  people are already starting to be real jerks at the grocery store, and mall parking lots are one, very terrifying version of my hell. it’s likely that a gift won’t make it on time, and you’ll forget about 40 tasks you planned to accomplish. don’t get bogged down about the fact that the lights are out in the mid-section of the tree or that your wreath is a little ratty. i’m a real clean person currently looking at a wad of my dogs’ hair on the floor, but chances are, i’ll survive that and more. and so will you.

breathe in the time you get with friends and family. watch the kiddos’ faces as they open their presents. watch the adults’ faces as they watch the kiddos. dedicate some time to yourself this christmas. light the candles, open the good bottle of wine, invite the neighbors over, listen to the best tunes, and laugh your biggest laughs. and always, always, always, remember’s the most wonderful time of the year.

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